An Open Letter to Men Regarding Women's Body Image

I'm going to be up front with you here.  This is a series of letters of honest observation of the world around me, whether that be social media, mainstream media, big-stream stores, or the high school across the street from me.  It is not meant to condemn or offend, but perhaps open an honest conversation about the lack of modesty and what influences our view of what a woman should look like.

The other letters in this series:

An Open Letter to Mothers Regarding Body Image
An Open Letter to Young Women and Teen Girls Regarding Body Image

To Husbands, Boyfriends, Men in General

Men.  Let's be honest.  You may have read all the other letters on modesty linked above out of curiosity.  If not, I will let you in on a secret.  I spoke of porn.  That is such a bad word in our society, but it's not because people necessarily think its that bad.  I've seen it excused as normal, even justified many times in the media.  Just because it is easier to give in and and look at scantly-clad, fake women, doesn't mean it's normal or what you should do.

The porn industry influences so much.  From Carl's Jr. commercials, to Victoria Secret ads, to more sex scenes on TV, to the fitness industry.  You know what I am talking about.  These are not real women.  You can't have real relationships with these women and you can't expect women in your relationships to be like that.  If you are looking at porn, please STOP!!!

Source: fightthenewdrug.org

Research shows that viewing porn contributes to objectifying woman and diminishing real sexual and physical relationships.  I've known boys who have grown into men with the addiction of porn.  These men get married.  Their addiction is not addressed.  It seems normal to them.  Then, their marriage starts to fall apart.  To quote FightTheNewDrug.org, "Porn kills Love."  These men loved their wives at one point.  Maybe they would even say they loved their wives after their families were torn apart by divorce.  But, they let their addiction to porn reign over their wife, their family, their relationships...their life.

Perhaps you think you have control and only look at it every once in a while.  I encourage you that you don't have control.  Control is NEVER giving in.  It may take a lot of praying, fighting temptation, and asking to be held accountable by loved ones, but there are ways you can make sure you never give in.  It is possible.  So, if you find yourself looking at porn, even every now and then, do yourself a favor, your wife, or future wife a favor and stop.  Don't kid yourself into thinking it's normal or okay.  It can prevent you from having a real relationship, or it can really skew your view of what your real relationship should look like.  It is not worth giving in.

So with that, I want to encourage husbands and fathers. Love your wives, no matter how much weight she has gained since you said "I do," or how much she has put on since having kids.  Love her no matter how much her body may change after having babies.  Love her where she is at and encourage her.   Don't compare her to the porn-influenced media ideas of how a woman should look.  Don't expect her to get back to exactly as she was before kids.  It probably won't happen.  And that's ok.  Having kids has changed the both of you for the better.

Encourage your wife to be woman you want your kids to look up to, to watch as they grow. Please, don't encourage them unnecessary and unnaturally change their bodies to look like what everyone else thinks a woman's body should look like.  She is the mother of your children.  Those children watch everything.  Aging is normal and can be beautiful.  There is so much pressure on women coming from practically every direction to look a certain way.  Be your wife's haven from all of that.

Sincerely,

The Woman who Became a Wife and Mother

P.S.  If you find yourself falling into the temptation of viewing porn, PLEASE GET HELP HERE.

"Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband."

Ephesians 5:25-33 ESV

Here I am...

...after having my third child.  I am forty pounds lighter than I was after having my first.  That feels good.  Really good.  I weighed in this morning at 147.6.  That is pretty much the same weight I was when I got pregnant with my third little one.  That feels good too.  Now I have a new goal in mind and that is to get back to the weight I was when I was dating Troy.  125 is my new magic number.  I understand that after having three kids that things are...ahem...well, let's just say that things are proportioned differently.  :)  I'm looking forward to getting into shape and staying that way, as this past pregnancy was my last.  So here's to being fit for the rest of my life!

Did you miss me?

Ha!  Well, I have a good reason for this break...I am pregnant!  We are expecting our third little one in May of next year.  I came down with an infection and the doctor told me to stay horizontal for a few days.  So, yesterday, I got to exercising again.  But, you know, it is funny how I have absolutely no desire to exercise.  Although, I know I must.  It really helped me feel better the rest of the day yesterday.  Of course, I know I must take it easier than I was previously.  I have done my share of reading up on exercise during pregnancy!
Another reason that I'm starting to not desire exercise is a bit of morning/afternoon/evening sickness.  I just found this article on natural remedies for "morning" sickness...

Click here to read more!

I'm going to go make myself some tea!

30 Days of Accountability: Day 1

Coming back from vacationing and constantly being busy this summer, I gained 3 lbs. That doesn't sound like much, and, I know it all reality, it isn't. However, I didn't want to gain anything...I wanted to LOOSE more! I noticed back in May when I did the Mastering My Metabolism posts, it was a good thing for me to be held accountable to posting. It kept me in check. That is what this blog is really for. So, this starts 30 days of posts. Some may be just rambling about my struggles, and some may be informational, and some, I hope, may be sharing my accomplishments.
My current goal is to get to 130 pounds so I can get pregnant again at a healthier weight. It sounds weird, but I'd like to gain more in my pregnancy than last time. I only gained 19 lbs, and I read that the little weight gain could have contributed to the HEELP syndrome I came down with (NOT FUN!). So, here's to another goal! I'm at 146 right now, so, 30 days from now (September 24th) I hope to 136 lbs. I know that will be a lot of work , so I better get moving!

This is IT!

Man alive! I suppose I have neglected this blog! I am happy to say that I didn't neglect my fitness during this last pregnancy, though. I only gained 19 lbs during pregnancy. Minus the weight that I still am carrying from nursing (they say 2-5 lbs), I am pretty much back to my pre-pregnancy weight and have been for 6 weeks now. Isn't that awesome????

My goal now is to get back to my pre-pre-pregnancy weight, in other words, before Jackson! The scale has been stuck since I weighed in 6 weeks ago. It stays between 157 lbs and 159 lbs. I am eating fairly decent. But, I know my body and I know I need to get moving in order to loose this weight. So hear I go, starting a new program. this time, I am going to start the Winsor Pilates fat-burning program ("Win in 10"). I bought the program a few years ago and used the DVD, but not the entire program. So, here's to trying something new!

So, I weighed in this morning at 158 lbs. I will be taking "before," "during," and "after" pictures. Here are my not-so-flattering "before" pictures:

I will update every week with a weigh-in and a new set of "during" pictures.

Pregnancy Poundage

So, I am making a pretty big effort not to get pretty big this pregnancy. And for me, I have to make a BIG effort because those pounds pile on easily! I have had a good amount of morning sickness, so for the most part, it has been difficult to exercise. However, I have been trying to eat healthy. So, the result of this, as of last week, was that I had gained a total of 3.5 lbs by the 11th week, which is waaaay less than my last pregnancy by that time. Of course, during my last pregnancy, I took a trip to the UK and Paris that packed on some pounds.
Those 3.5 lbs wasted away this weekend, though, when I got a horrible stomach virus and my body completely rid itself of everything. I even had to get a shot to stop the nausea and vomiting. It worked, so I am back on liquids and a bland diet. I suppose if I ever want to loose weight quickly and miserably, a stomach virus is the way to go. I just wouldn't prefer to do it while I was pregnant! Okay...perhaps I would prefer to never experience that again!

Alrighty...

So...I am pregnant! We are thrilled about that, but I am not so thrilled that I didn't get to my goal weight. The more I think about it though, I did loose 30 lbs from my post-pregnancy weight, so that is a good amount. My goal now is to NOT GAIN 60 POUNDS during this pregnancy. During the last pregnancy, I exercised, ate decent, and still gained 60 pounds. This time around, I am still going to exercise, but more regularly, and watch what I eat extremely close. I am not going to diet, but I am going to eat really healthy. I am not going to deprive myself of anything, but I am going to be smart and disciplined about what I eat. I want to make sure I am getting enough calories, but, I am NOT EATING FOR TWO, which is such a myth. An normal weight person (which I am not...I am overweight still) only needs an extra 300 calories per day. That is an extra snack a day. That's it! I am also making an effort to drink all my needed water every day. I think this will help with swelling in the long run. So, those are my goals. I will keep you update on my weight gain and pregnancy progress throughout the next 35 weeks....whoooa...that is a long time! :)