How to Be a Better Mom

Recognize that you are just a mess.  And so is almost every other mom.

I'm coming out of a busy, but wonderful week of coordinating VBS.  My house is a disaster area.  Toys are out of place.  Hampers are full.  Clean laundry awaits being put away (because that is the hardest part!).  I have stacks of curriculum to go through.  My desk is covered with piles of organized chaos.  Weeds with killer thorns have taken over half my garden and I can't seem to keep them under control myself.  My lawn needs to be mowed in the backyard.  My refrigerator needs to be cleaned.  Glaciers of ice have taken over the deep freezer in the garage.  Oh!  The garage!  We won't even go there...

With all this said, I have seen so many pins pinned and posts posted on how everyone does things just so cute, organized and creative.  "How to organize your homeschool room."  "How to organize your kitchen."  "10 steps to always have a clean home." "How to get perfect abs, butt, or arms." "How to conquer laundry once and for all."  "How to create the perfect routine."

All the pins and posts on how everyone is living their life perfectly can start to weigh on a woman.  The truth is, though, as moms, most of us are a hot mess, apart from the grace of God.  Or maybe I'm the only one who struggles with getting one area of her life "together" only for everything else to fall apart.  If I get all my workouts in the week, laundry starts to pile up.  If I spend more time with my kids outside of our home doing field trips and play dates, the dishes start to pile up.

Realize imperfection is okay.

I admit, since having kids, I am not the most organized person.  That may be an understatement.  I thrive on creativity.  I would rather make something cute and creative than clean my kitchen.  So, it is a challenge to me to ignore those beautiful posts on the most perfect, creative, absolutely beautiful ____(fill in the blank)____.  I'm on a few homeschool Facebook groups and in the last week everyone has been sharing their homeschool rooms.  I was glad to see another mother spoke up and basically said what I started thinking.  I am absolutely not there yet.  And that's okay.  I will get there by September 1st when I start school and my homeschool room won't look like the cover of  a magazine.  And that's okay.

Stay-at-home moms, homeschool moms, work-at-home moms, and working moms----MOMS!  Please, please, please, remember that you don't have to live up to those posts on Pinterest.  Your child doesn't have to have a cute chalkboard stating his/her name, grade, favorite book, and career choice every first and last day of school year.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, but it certainly isn't necessary.

You don't have to have a clean house all the time.  Your kitchen doesn't have to be the picture of perfect organization all of the time.  Order, cuteness, and cleanliness are nice, but it doesn't make you any better of a person.  Being organized may help the day go by in a more orderly fashion, but if you feel pressure to get organized, but never can seem to, and it absolutely stresses you out, find a way to live in your organized chaos.  It's okay not to be organized all the time.

You don't have to have the perfect ____(fill in the desirable body part here)___.  You don't have to strictly follow any certain big name workout program or diet to a "T."  Don't feel the pressure to have flat abs and a perfectly round rump.  Or to restrict yourself from sugar or bread for months.  Just be healthy.  Do what works for you.  Don't make excuses.  Still challenge yourself, but if you fail, don't beat yourself up.   If you don't fit in a workout today, that is okay.  Workout tomorrow.  It's okay to fail. It will happen.  And that's where you learn to grow and persevere.

Now when it comes to being imperfect, we still must address laziness.  Or being distracted.  I am challenged by being distracted throughout my day by many unnecessary things (i.e. all those creative Facebook, Pinterest, or Instagram posts).  This makes me weary for unnecessary reasons, and then I feel my weary self start to feel a bit on the lazy side, perhaps discouraged by all the "perfection" out there.  Avoid laziness, but be mindful of weariness.

Realize your need for rest for your weary soul.

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

Matthew 11:28-30 (ESV)

And when you are weary, come to Jesus.  Pray for grace.  Pray for peace.  Pray for contentment.  Pray for perseverance, not perfection.   Pray.  Pray.  Pray.  I am constantly reminded how valuable prayer is.  It is a way we can remind ourselves and others that we are not in this alone.  We can stop and pray to the God of all the universe.  And, guess what, He hears His people's prayers!

Mothers, our burden can be so heavy.  Raising little people up can be such a difficult task, especially with the added pressures of all the cuteness and creativity bursting out of the seams of social media.  I admit, when I'm overwhelmed, I am tempted just to go on Pinterest and look at all the people who have it all together and wishfully hope that someday that would be me.   Instead of Pinterest, PRAY.  Pray for yourself and for other moms.  We all know we need prayer!

Realize you can't be a good mom apart from Christ. 

"for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith. This was to show God's righteousness, because in his divine forbearance he had passed over former sins."

Romans 3:23-25 (ESV)

I love the verse above because it really is the Gospel in a nutshell.  We fall short of God's glory and perfection because of sin.  That is where Christ comes in and his sacrifice is the ultimate picture of perfect grace.

Now, I must apologize for the title of this post.  It's a little tongue-in-cheek.  I'm not really going to tell you how to become a better mom. I knew it may get your attention because the truth is we all want to be a better mom.  We all want to be better.  We can't be better apart from Christ.  And, even then, we will struggle with sin and imperfection.

NOTHING within ourselves can make us BETTER moms!  

But, there is good news!!!  Despite the imperfection we struggle with, Christ lived a perfect life, and died so we can be forgiven.   Once we embrace that, we can't be separated from God's love.  And that is the story of grace.  Perfect grace.  That is the truth I need to be reminded of daily.

Please know that there is nothing wrong with getting tips or hints for how to do things from the posts on social media, but if you find that they are burdening you, please try and back away from them.  You will benefit in knowing that Christ can take those burdens if you come to Him!

I hope this post encouraged you.  It was encouraging for me to write.  Do you struggle with the pressures of the creativity found on social media?  Please take rest in knowing that you can come to the God of all the universe and tell Him your struggles.  And He will listen.  Everyday.  All day long.

From Fad Diets to Nutritionist

Sharisse Dalby is a lovely and busy wife and mother of three boys---eight-year-old twins and their four-year-old brother.   As a Holistic Nutritionist specializing in sports nutrition, vegetarian diets, and family nutrition, she is a beautiful picture of health!  But, it wasn't always that way.  She experienced the same struggles of weight loss many experience.  She learned from her struggles and that gave way to a profession in Nutrition!  Read on to be discover her honest retelling of how this transition took place.

How did you come to realize you wanted to change your lifestyle? 

As a teenager I was overweight and it took a toll on my body, lifestyle and self-confidence, which quickly led to clinically diagnosed depression. Through my faith, I found a renewed and deep meaning for my life. I felt a passion brewing to learn how to care for the body God gave me. Admittedly, I started with fad diet after fad diet, but eventually found my way into a healthy lifestyle that I felt was honouring to God.

What is your motivation?  How does your faith come into play?

My motivation is my faith and my family. After having my twins, I was determined to give them the healthiest start I could, and that led to a complete and permanent lifestyle overhaul. My faith is the foundation of why I do what I do! God gave me the desire and resources to become a Holistic Nutritionist and the passion to educate families and children to take care of what God provided them with.

Risse and her family

How do you include your family in your food preparation, cooking and shopping for nutritious foods?

My kids have always been included in our healthy lifestyle. And, let’s face it – I have boys and I want them to know basic kitchen skills, at least! They help me go through the flyers each week to find the healthy sale items, plan our meals, write out our grocery list, grocery shop and prepare the food. They all have a passion for food and love being in the kitchen and being able to enjoy the fruits of their labour!

Fresh pressed juice!

What are your some of your favorite go-to foods? 

Some of our favourite go-to foods are larabars, veggies and hummus, fruit, yogurt and berries, apples and almond butter and trailmix – just to name a few!

How has your view of yourself changed since starting your fitness/nutrition journey?  

I have learned where my worth and value lies – not in the size of my clothes, shape of my body, stretch marks from kids, weight on the scale – but in my Saviour who created me for a purpose … to bring Him glory. I don’t live a healthy lifestyle because I hate my body, I do it because I love Jesus!

If you could sum up "clean eating" in three statements, what would they be? 

Clean eating is eating whole foods – the foods that God gave us, an experience of healing, energizing and renewing and a balanced plate for optimum health.

BIO:
Sharisse Dalby is a Holistic Nutritionist who specializes in sports nutrition, vegetarian diets and family nutrition. She is a mom to 8 year old identical twin boys and a 4 year old boy. They love to help out at church, eat food and sign up for family running races, bike races and triathlons. Check out her website for recipes, tips and services at www.holisticnutritionwithrisse.com. 

An Open Letter to Mothers Regarding Body Image

I'm going to be up front with you here.  This is a series of letters of honest observation of the world around me, whether that be social media, mainstream media, big-stream stores, or the high school across the street from me.  It is not meant to condemn or offend, but perhaps open an honest conversation about the lack of modesty and what influences our view of what a woman should look like.

Other Letters in this Series:

An Open Letter to Young Women and Teen Girls Regarding Body Image
An Open Letter to Men Regarding Women's Body Image

To The Mother Who Struggles With Her After Baby Body:

(and those into fitness, trying to get your body back...or better...)

I know the struggle.  I know the insecurities, the shock, the disbelief.  WHAT in the world has happened to your body?  And how come Brooke Burke can look so amazing after 4 kids???  We all know the answers to those questions.  Nine (actually 10 for most) months of hormones going haywire to support the growth, birth, and breastfeeding of a little, precious person.  It may look like your chest has dropped into your stomach.  If you've lost your baby weight, your chest may have disappeared and gone into your biceps.  Or perhaps you are back to your pre-baby weight, but, due to one or multiple c-sections, you have that extra skin and fat that have taken residence on your lower abdomen. Things may look bleak in regards to your after-baby-body.  But, there is good news!  You don't have to identify yourself with how society all around you thinks you should look.

Pregnancy wreaked havoc on my body, inside and out, all the way to my liver not being able to handle my last two pregnancies well.  I am thankful to be alive!  I am also thankful for my health after pregnancies and the fact that even though my body isn't the same as before babies, I AM HEALTHY!  I'm stronger than before, in every way.  I am truly thankful.

Please know this:  You do NOT have to be the same as before kids.   An article on the Baby Center website states that men who were shown sketches of women and asked which ones were ideal, often pick the bigger body sizes than what women think is ideal for themselves.  Your husband or [insert label here] should love you just the way you are.  They should love you for making an effort to take care of yourself and your child(ren).  They can encourage you to get fit, but shouldn't encourage to change your body in anyway.  Stretch marks are ok, in fact they are common and normal.

Model Chrissy Teigen set off a viral hashtag after she posted an honest picture of stretch marks on her thighs.  Thousands of women followed suit in posting their honest, mostly unedited photos of their stretch marks.   Just like stretch marks, that extra skin above your c-section scar, you can accept as normal.  You don't need to replace the chest you lost in breastfeeding your babies with a DD piece of silicon.  You don't need that to feel good about yourself!

I know how it feels to go through all those body changes listed above.  I've been there.  I've gained 60 pounds twice in my life and lost more than that twice.  I gave birth to three kids in three and a half years.  I breastfed all of them, struggled with one, and had to give that up for formula feeding after he didn't gain weight because I stopped producing milk.  I know the struggle of balance of "Who am I as a mother?  Who am I as a wife....as a woman?"

It's been over three years since I stopped breastfeeding my youngest.  I can tell you my body is still changing.  For the better.  It's taken a while, but I have accepted what I have left.  It took prayer.  It took knowing that this body was not my own in the first place, but God's who gave it to me.  It took that no matter how anyone else saw me in this world, no matter how far I was from what a woman "should be,"  God saw me as a precious daughter.  HIS precious daughter.  And because His Son died for all my imperfections, God sees me perfectly.  Without blemishes, spots, or lines.

Thankfully, I have a supportive husband, who has gone with me through all these body changes and has supported me, no matter what my bra size is.  That sounds harsh, but I know there are some husbands who "prefer" their wives to be a certain size.  I have a whole message for them, so just wait!    Your chest size, no matter what it is after baby, is just fine.  Unless it is causing medical issues (back problems), is their really a good reason to change it?  If you identify yourself by your chest size, please ask yourself where that image comes from.  Does it come from where you used to be, or perhaps from what other women in mainstream media or social look like?

Source: fightthenewdrug.org

As a fitness blogger, I see SO many women in the fitness industry who get work done on their bodies.  Most of this work is breast enhancements.  I came across a photo yesterday of a women who "liked" a photo of mine.  I clicked on her account only to have my iPhone screen fill with photos of her in tight, low cut tank tops and sports bras to show off her perfect round and plump breast enhancement.  THAT is not what REAL women look like!  And the response to these photos?  On average, 2,600 likes and 85 comments of men who were enthralled with her chest in a creepy, not-so-romantic way.

WOMEN!  Don't settle for changing your body to be accepted by men!  Accept your after-baby body knowing that their is always room for fitness and improvement, but if that means having muscles covered in a little fat here and there, loose skin, stretch marks, and a chest that isn't the same as before, THAT IS OK!  You have done amazing things with that body!  You have grown a person in that body, gave birth, and have kept that person alive!  That is incredible.

Strive for health, not for being that fit women on Instagram with the boob job.  She's paid more than just money to look that way.  I'm not saying every addition, subtraction or change to your body through surgery is wrong, but please consider why you desire for the change.  Strive to be an example to your children of what a real woman is.  Don't feel the pressure to be like Brooke Burke or J. Lo.  Most celebrities are paid to look good, but most women I know don't have that luxury.

Mothers, you are fine just the way you are.  In fact, you are beautiful.  You are unique creation of God.  There is no one else just like you.  We find our beauty because we are created in the image of God, but because of sin, we are broken.  That brokenness can skew our view of our own bodies.  But, for those who surrender their lives to Christ, who paid the price of death for our imperfections and sin, we can know that our bodies are made for more than just man.  They are made for God.  They are His own.  They are made to bring Him glory.  What an awesome purpose for our body!  So, no matter your pant size, your stretch marks, or your insecurities of what your weight should be, if you are a daughter of God, He sees you as perfect.

" You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. 

So glorify God in your body."

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 ESV

Sincerely,

A Woman who Became a Mother

P.S.  Please don't take your children, male or female, into Victoria Secret with you.  Have them sit with their dad or someone else you know somewhere outside of the store.  Research shows the photos in the windows and displayed all over the store can start to shape in their minds what a woman should look like.  And it is just lies.  Blatant lies.  Protect your children.  Don't pretend it can't effect them at an early age.  I know.  My 5 year old daughter just asked me why her stomach isn't flat.  They look.  They observe.  They see.  Please be mindful of that.  Don't let your children sit on the floor of Victoria Secret while you shop for underwear.  I observed this situation last week and it broke my heart.

Fabulously Fit Mom: How she lost 40lbs, kept it off, and is keeping her family healthy!

Meet Tara Bialek.  She is a gorgeous wife and a inspirational mother of three beautiful kids.  She has her own business and on top of that, she takes time each day for God and for fitness.   We first met through Instagram.  I loved how her love for God glowed through her posts and I enjoyed her HIIT workouts!  Recently, I had the privilege of asking how Tara got to where she is now in her fitness journey.  Read on and be inspired! 

How did you come to realize you wanted to change your lifestyle?

When I was in college at the age of 20, I was caught in the college life of staying up too late, partying and being super lazy. I was also lost. I didn't know what I wanted to do when I grew up and felt depressed about the weight gain that I experienced in my first few years there. I remember walking into my favorite store and not being able to fit into the largest size there. I was at a low. I felt like I was in a hole and couldn't get out. I went from being an active athlete in high school to 30lbs overweight and lonely a few years later. After that store incident and a bad breakup I knew it was time to do something. I started walking around campus and eating better. I researched about nutrition and started incorporating what I was learning into my life. I also started doing home workouts like TaeBo and the "OLD SCHOOL" Firm videos. I was too embarrassed to go to the gym, so I did what worked for me. AND it worked. About 6 months later, I lost the weight and was looking into nutrition programs because I was so interested in learning all that I could and helping people live a healthy lifestyle. I transferred schools and got my Bachelors in Nutrition and Dietetics and then went on for my Masters in Education so I could teach!

What is your motivation? How does your faith come into play?

​My motivation now is my family. I want wellness to be a part of their lives...part of their foundation. I want to live a LONG, healthy life with them and experience every part of life with my family. Before, when I was originally going through my weight loss journey, I was doing it because i wanted to look good. Yes...that's the added bonus of feeling GREAT, but now I do it because it's my time to push myself and get my endorphins going. I feel amazing after and have a totally different mindset for the day. 

My fitness and the WORD are those things that are a non negotiable for me. They need to be part of my day somehow. God has changed the way I look at health and fitness. It was first all about ME and now its about taking care of the body God has given me, showing others that wellness is important and loving people right where they are. God has given me a platform now to use what I have learned and what He is guiding me to do, to help share His love with the world. My mission, my purpose is to share His love---and what better way to do it then to help others learn to love their bodies and feel good in their skin? Love them right where they are and every step of their journey.  

How do you include your family in your fitness journey?

​Fitness and nutrition is a part of ​me now. My husband actually now LOVES working out from home with p90x3 and Bodybeast. He's totally changed his tune about home workouts and has lost 40lbs! My kids are always joining in and we make "moving" part of our lifestyle. We swim, walk, play outside all of the time, ride bikes together and hike. It's just what we do. I want to make it fun for them!  

What are your three favorite go-to exercise moves?

​My favorite go-to workouts would be HIIT workouts! I love the high intensity intervals of high knee jogging or skipping (jump rope) for 45 sec and then doing squats for the next 45 seconds, alternating between a strength move and cardio move. The workouts are 30 min and I feel awesome after. I burn a lot more than hitting up the treadmill and lifting after. That's boring to me. I wouldn't be able to sustain that. I actually tried the gym and went for years before I was married and see much better results now from home workouts!

How has your view of yourself changed since starting your fitness journey?

​I honestly think the reason why my view of myself has changed is because I am growing everyday in my faith and I see how much God loves me.  I find my identity in Him and He thinks I am beautiful.  I definitely struggle with this and have so much in the past but everyday I ​ask God to show my how He sees me.  I don't ever want to find my true identity in what others think of me. If that were the case, I wouldn't be able to share my journey on social media like I do.  If I didn't put myself out there and be vulnerable, how would I help people?  How would I be doing what God has called me to do?  God is stretching me and showing me how GREAT His plan is for my life so everyday I renew my mind with His promises and how much He loves me.  That change of focus and mindset  is what drives me to be healthy and share it!  

If you could give one fitness tip, what would it be?

I tell my clients that it's so important to CHANGE your mindset in order to create LONG TERM change in your health.  They need to see how much they are valued and how amazing they are as they go through their wellness journeys.  I always recommend a book like the Compound Effect or Crash the Chatterbox (depending on their faith)  to help them on their wellness journey.  Changing your MINDSET is the most important tip that most people leave out of the fitness equation but if you don't....chances are you will never believe you are worth it and you won't give your health priority over most things in your life.   

If you'd like to see what Tara is sharing to inspire others on social media, you can follow her on Facebook here, or you can follow her on Instagram here.